Author Topic: Edit Commit Comments  (Read 13923 times)

Sheeta

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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #15 on: July 23, 2009, 11:10:01 am »
Yay! Page 2!

Quote
By the way, these small firing arms of ours have been used every year at the campouts.
//'arms' as in guns, right? - Sheeta

"small arms" is definitely a standardized term for handheld firearms. Reverted.

The way the sentence was phrased made it confusing as to whether 'small arms' referred to the girls' small arms, or firearms. So I added 'firearms' to make it clearer for the player.

Ixrec

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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #16 on: July 23, 2009, 11:51:56 am »
The way the sentence was phrased made it confusing as to whether 'small arms' referred to the girls' small arms, or firearms. So I added 'firearms' to make it clearer for the player.

Since I grew up in the US, assuming the term refers to weaponry rather than anatomy comes very naturally. Hopefully, the other weapon references in the scene make it sufficiently natural for everyone in more sane countries.
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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #17 on: July 23, 2009, 08:14:44 pm »
But with just Mimi-sempai alone though......I don't think this work will ever get done.
vs
But with just Mimi-sempai alone though......I don't think this work would ever get done.

"would" is for conditional subordinate clauses attached to *past* tense main clauses, not verbless and therefore tense-neutral main clauses. Admittedly, it's subjective, as several nearby sentences are past tense, but this one's at the end of a pair of tenseless sentences. Reverted.

Blood spread out from the center of her chest.
vs
Blood was spread out from the center of her chest.

Good job catching the need for a helping verb, but that should be "had" since it's perfect past in context (ie, relative to the previous sentence).

Damn dream demon!
//how about succubus? - Raide

No part of "succubus" implies that the demon(ess?) is a figment of one's nocturnal imagination. Interesting idea though.

Today when I'm growing radically.
//Huh? "Growing" as in height?-Spin

The Japanese word has the same double meaning as the English, so by sheer dumb luck I don't need to even try to figure out what he actually meant this time.

From the side of rather naughty boys with high-tech briefs, I tried forcing a smile.
//lol wut? I can try to fix that line but I need a better idea what your trying to say there.-Spin

Fixed. My apologies for not trying harder the first time.

Miki: "Ha, haa......Sempai fell down in the street, so......I picked you up......and a fragment of the chastity belt fell out of your pant leg......"
//I don't see how a piece of it can fall out of the sleeve near his torso.-Spin

Ah...thank you, now I know that that Japanese word has a double meaning (which would explain why I'd never heard a word for "pant leg").

Miki: "I returned, and hardened my resolve......then this Miki had taken the liberty of preparing the underwear I thought suited you the best!"

I like the new transition, but you also misunderstood the past perfect tense. The past perfect tense (had taken) is for an even that is "more past" than one mentioned earlier in the sentence. The event in question (taking) occurred *after* the past tense events before it, not before, so it'd just be simple past tense (took).

I tried looking inside my sheets.
//Well, she went to the hassle of taking off his pants so I don't see why she would put them back on.-Spin

A valid question, but the Japanese was explicit on that matter. Reverted.

Miki: "Ah, yes......the deliciousness distracted me......"
//Is "forget myself" a Japanese idiom? I've definitely never heard of it before.-Spin

I was pretty sure it was an English one too. Reverted unless someone strongly disagrees.

IF $tlnote == 1 (TL note: "Eroge" or "erotic game" refers to visual novels with graphic sex scenes. These scenes aren't necessarily the focus of the game, though some are.)

"some are" is just incredibly confusing there, since the precise semantics thereof would be "for any given eroge, some hscenes are the focus and some aren't". Changed to "they can be."

Taichi: "Still, because you released such a precise attack, Miki, your hit even entered my heart."
vs
Taichi: "Still, because you released such a precise attack, Miki, your hit had entered my heart."

Another misuse of past perfect, with identical justification for reversion.

Taichi: "It's a lockpicking tool. It'll come in handy. It's small so it has no endurance, there's the possibility the key pin will break when it aligns with the shear line. Be warned."
//SOS
//The "Plate" is the part that rotates so there's no way that would break. I'm guessing what was meant here was the "key pin" or the "driver pin" but really, I don't see either of those breaking.

That's enough for me to conclude Taichi's spewing nonsense, so I'll revert the line back to it's purest nonsensical form.

Mutsumi-san wasn't there.
vs
Mutsumi-oba-san wasn't there.

I know I've told someone this before, but that's not a mistake. Taichi doesn't always use "oba." In fact, afaik he doesn't use it at all after the first week or two.

The Ultimate Hug Pillow (product name) just felt way too good.
//it's not dakimakura? this term might be more familiar with most readers (otaku) - Raide

It is, but I can't imagine the Japanese being more familiar than the English to anyone other than a Japanese speaker (since "hug pillow" is such a literal tl and I've seen it before but never "dakimakura").

Taichi: "By the looks of things, these are low in sugar, and are good for your looks. The gummies are made from konjac jelly. Zero calories."
//I'm more familiar with the term 'konyaku jelly'
, but I guess it different according to each country's familiarity with Japanese food. - Raide

1) by making a two lines without putting slashes on the second line, you actually added text into the game. *fixed*
2) I went with wiki's spelling of the name in English. "konyaku" is definitely the romanization of the Japanese name, but the Western spelling is likely more recognizable.

Taichi: "Ummm, basically I had no parents, and Mutsumi-san adopted both of us. Ah, she's my guardian."
vs
Taichi: "Ummm, basically I had no parents, and Mutsumi-oba-san adopted both of us. Ah, she's my guardian."

Checked again, right again, reverted again.

Miki: "Not entering daily is subpar."
vs
Miki: "Not entering daily is sub par."

You need to get less trigger-happy about breaking up all these compound words. Reverted.

Maybe everything he said was just sleeptalking?
vs
Maybe everything he said was just sleep talking?

I'm less confident about this one, but it still looks so weird with the space there I have to revert it anyway.

Taichi: "......hey, hey, you're overstereotyping."
vs
Taichi: "......hey, hey, you're over stereotyping."

Oh, come on, since when is there a space between a word and its prefix? Reverted.

Taichi: "Let us do so, do so freely."
//I'm not sure if that second "do so" was a typo so I just left it. Just leaving a note here for you to correct me later.-Spin

Added an "and."

My face is stretching.
//Is that another idiom?-Spin

Changed to "My face was becoming tense."
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Ixrec

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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #18 on: July 24, 2009, 04:28:31 pm »
Damn those small pink sinful spaces.
//Huh?-Spin

Female genetalia. Come on, you've been reading Taichi's pervy gags for over three weeks now, start thinking like a depraved molesterd already!

An hour and twenty seven minutes later, I closed the safe.
//wow, the longest I've ever done it was like 20 minutes.-Spin

Duly noted.

Just by lacking people, things quiet down this much.
vs
Just by the lack of people, things quiet down this much.

It's just more awkward that way. Reverted.

Taichi: "Right about now I'll rush into a normal home."
vs
Taichi: "Right about now I would rush into one of these houses."

Considering he actually does in the following line, I prefer the literal present indicative. Reverted.

Miki: "Hmm. Sempai's root has lowered greatly."
//"Root?"-Spin

lol.

Taichi: "Yo! Suspect #2."
//I thought she was Suspect #1 - Sheeta

So did I, and so she was. My guess is he was adhering too strictly to the pattern of his previous questioning.

A cafeteria with no signs of people.
vs
A cafeteria with no evidence of people.

Too precise a word for the generic mood. Reverted.
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Ixrec

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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #19 on: July 25, 2009, 08:52:39 pm »
Miki used to be sociable, but she became separated from the club by hanging out with Kiri.
//Should this line end with a comma to indicate connection to the following?  Original script has a period, but... ~Bal

I believe I originally put a comma there, and another QCer didn't like it. Since you cancel him out, I'll go with my original preference of using a comma.

Youko: "......you said not to perform sexual acts, but that did not include fellatio."
//Seeing fellatio plural is very jarring.  That's like talking about informations, or espionages.  For plural I could see "acts of fellatio", but even still it's not needed here, as Youko's only done a single performance, AND they're only discussing fellatio as a single act in the subset of the larger category of sexual acts. ~Bal

This comment makes no sense at all, since information and espionage are abstract nouns while fellatio is a concrete noun, and since the statement is in the general mood, parallel structure demands "fellatio" be plural there. I went ahead and checked the dictionary for the plural form, which I got right, so I'm reverting this.

Taichi: "Uuu, these panties have semen all over them......"
//Panties generally refers to specifically female undergarments, in my experience, but if this is what it reads... ~Bal

It's debatable whether the word "panties" also applies to male underwear in Japanese, so I've made the convention of tling it literally as "panties" whenever the illogical aspect of it wouldn't screw up the scene.

She came across as a lively, energetic, childhood-friend- type pretty girl.
vs
She came across as a lively, energetic, childhood-friend- type, pretty girl.

I cannot imagine what purpose that added comma serves. Reverted. *edit* Oh now I see, you interpreted "pretty" as the last adjective in that string. Well, since "pretty girl" is one word in Japanese, it ends up being a common enough term in this tl to behave like a compound noun despite technically being two words (like "hot dog").

Nanaka: "I can somehow feel it in my skin."
//I think the usual idiom is "feel it in my bones", but maybe there's a reason for "skin". ~Bal

This was literal, no idiom adaptation involved.

What isn't there isn't there.
//I'm guessing no comma here either then?

No comma would serve any purpose in that line other than adding unnatural pauses. I'm not sure why you're asking.

Within that, Tomoki planned to secure and supply food, and Mimi-sempai planned to use the antenna to send an SOS.
//Lead in is strange. Within what? Doesn't seem to match 'other path', maybe matches 'our plans' or 'world without humanity', but that was 3 frames ago. ~Bal

Within that situation/atmosphere of everyone not speaking to each other. Need some practice reading Romeo I see.

Taichi: "Now...I have some special thousand-year candy here, so everyone get in the mood for the seven-five-three festival."
IF $tlnote != 0 (TL note: The "shichi-go-san," or "seven-five-three," festival is a traditional festival.)

I was able to get my original full-length tl note to fit with some coding tricks, so this is basically dealt with, but I should point out fyi that this tl note provides virtually zero useful information to the reader. Please don't settle for something like this if there's a similar issue in the future.

Are you elementary-school girls?
//I'm not sure this is any better, but the other way looked odd to me. ~Bal

And this way looks odd to me, lol. Reverted.

Sempai holding an SMG at the hip is a wonderful sight.
vs
Sempai holding a SMG at the hip is a wonderful sight.

When you pronounce "SMG," you start with a vowel sound (the "eh" in "ess") so you should use "an" there.

She war cried.
//It's probably not a verb, but there's nothing stopping me from making it one. ~IX
//Meh, I think it would sound better just as "Her warcry" or "Her battlecry."-Spin
//I 100% agree with Spin. - VDZ

I'm impressed VDZ snuck into your changeset. Again. Still, I want to preserve as much of Romeo's wordplay as possible, so this stays.

Taichi: "And true love at that. Your love meter is at eighty nine percent. There's no mistaking it."
//I know that's a rewrite but I didn't understand what "good feelings" meant.-Spin

A very accurate rewrite. Kept.

At times, they awaken.
//I was also thinking "rouse" since "move" gives a different impression.-Spin

The original word can be tled as "rouse," so I'll change it to that.

Opening relations.
//I should probably mention I have no idea if this is the correct tl. All he's saying is "shukou, shukou" in katakana, and there are over a dozen kanji compounds that are spelled that way. ~IX
//I think is wrong. Every time Taichi says that, there's a Darth Vader-like breathing sound effect. So i'm guessing it's related to the mask or the breathing.

omg you're right. Still, since I have no idea what the standardized English sound effect for breathing through a filter is (as if there is one) I'll just put *shukou* there for now.

Taichi: "Yo! Suspect #1."
//I thought she was Suspect #1 - Sheeta
//Yes, number 2 is Tomoki.

Intentional typo. Reverted.

It was a bit encumbersome, but we did our best.
//"Walk" was just used right before this line.-Spin

Good idea, but I'm quite sure the "en" is only on the verb form of this word. Two letters deleted.

Miki: "Do you have some kind of food, Sempai?"
//I'm assuming the "some kind of" is intentional.-Spin

Not really sure why it warranted a comment, but yes.

Taichi: "Kiricchi's waiting for the afterglow."
//This could sorta go both ways but wouldn't it make more sense if he was talking about Miki instead of Kiri right there?-Spin

My mistake, fixed.

I looked up at the madder red sky like a homeless person.
//"Madder?" I've definitely never seen it used like that. I'll leave it though since Sheeta and Shi didn't object to it apparently.-Spin

"madder red" is a shade of red. No English speakers have ever heard of it. None. At all.

Taichi: "Unhappily, Youko-chan wasn't there."
//Gonna assume "unhappily" was intentional too.-Spin

...yes?

Taichi: "And then he attacked me. Actually, there was one hole I had a hunch could accept him (adult joke)."
//In game these two lines appear together. I would assume it's on purpose but you added a "CP" there so I'm not sure if you might have deleted the "TP" by accident or not.

Yep, my mistake. Fixed.

Blood had spread out from the center of her chest.
//Sure it's the "center?" Since the picture shows it being the side where her rib is.-Spin

Good point. Changed to "core."

But there was no sign of decomposition.
//Since a progressive tense word wouldn't really make grammatical sense here.-Spin

It's not progressive tense, it's a gerund. But changing -ing to -tion isn't exactly wrong, so go ahead.
« Last Edit: July 25, 2009, 09:31:33 pm by Ixrec »
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Ixrec

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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #20 on: July 26, 2009, 11:44:32 am »
Taichi: "I guess it would be for you......you could say you were within my shooting range since the age of five."
//'Shooting range' sounds strange in this context, perhaps something like 'target area'?

A girl's age is a one-dimensional figure. So is a shooting range. Target area is at least two dimensions. Hence, range makes more sense to me.

Taichi: "Why must you promise Kiri so much?"
//What? This line comes out of nowhere, but I guess that happens sometimes. ~Bal

This week in particular is like that. 4021 will show you why.

White smoke.
//I have no idea what happened in these three lines. ~IX
//I was guessing she is using a fire extinguisher (back-up weapon?), and he couldn't see the hose clearly? ~Bal

Good idea, that might've been it.

Miki: "It's true. They were coincidences. I call it the invisible hand."
//I see Miki-Miki subscribes to Adam Smith's economic theory of murder. ~Bal

I had the exact same thought when I first read this. Of course, her definition has no relation to Adam's, but meh, I figured it'd be funny.

Taichi: "So that's Miki's ultramarine."
//This is one of the adaptation nuances I need outside input on. The word was "Gunjou-iro" and hopefully you still remember that the name of the school literally meant that color (the suffix "iro" specifies a color name). Ideally, I can trust everyone to remember that and simply switch between "Gunjou" and "ultramarine" to convey the addition of that suffix. I'd really like to avoid any desperate approach to this like "Gunjou-colored." ~IX
//I'd actually completely forgotten, and mis-assumed you meant "ultimatum", but now that you mention it, it's coming back to me. ~Bal

Does that mean you think what I'm doing now is fine? Or would a callback tl note or something be the right move here?

Incidentally, everything you actually changed this time was correct, so I don't have to commit anything. Yay.
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Ixrec

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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #21 on: July 27, 2009, 02:17:39 pm »
Taichi: "So that's Miki's ultramarine."
//This is one of the adaptation nuances I need outside input on. The word was "Gunjou-iro" and hopefully you still remember that the name of the school literally meant that color (the suffix "iro" specifies a color name). Ideally, I can trust everyone to remember that and simply switch between "Gunjou" and "ultramarine" to convey the addition of that suffix. I'd really like to avoid any desperate approach to this like "Gunjou-colored." ~IX
//I'd actually completely forgotten, and mis-assumed you meant "ultimatum", but now that you mention it, it's coming back to me. ~Bal
//I think we should include a note about that here then. 'Gunjou' isn't a very well known japanese word and not everyone will remember that Gunjou = ultramarine. Alternatively, we could just say 'Miki's true colours'. - Sheeta

Agreed. I should point out "Miki's true colors" is absolutely unacceptable, as that completely removes the reference to the nature of the school (and this isn't the only time in the story where this comparison is made). But I'll go add a tl note there.

Ku, throwing around the name of justice to exercise your full power......are you America!?
//HELL YEA!-Spin

Indeed.

That blade is probably something that came from this mansion.
vs
That blade is probably something that originated in this mansion.
//"Came from" gave a different connotation. Not 100% on originated but it still sounds acceptable.-Spin

I think the original connotation was more accurate.

Tomoki.
Sakuraba.
//Meant to be put together like that?-Spin

Yep.

*silence*......
//Those dots, are they supposed to be be there?-Spin

Yep.

Taichi: "Yo! Suspect #1."
//Miki is Suspect #1 not #2 - Raide

For the third time, this is intentional. Ask Romeo why he did it.
« Last Edit: July 27, 2009, 03:04:04 pm by Ixrec »
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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #22 on: July 27, 2009, 03:14:26 pm »
Ah, my clothes are no longer my uniform.
vs
Ah, the clothes I wore didn't belong to my uniform.

Really awkward. Changed to "Ah, the clothes I'm wearing aren't part of myTaichi: "How do you hold it to make this shape?"
//Noob tl note on how rice balls are made? ~IX
//Yeah - Sheeta uniform."

Written.
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Ixrec

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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #23 on: July 27, 2009, 08:48:20 pm »
I removed my clothes.
//Are you sure this the right pronoun.  Later context (skills for stripping girls) makes it sound like he removes _her_ clothes, though it's rather ambiguous (as this seems to be a prolonged process, in contrast to the flatly stated line here). Also cf. Line 984 and CG where Taichi is still clothed; Miki, not so much so. ~Bal

I'm not sure. In fact, now that I've read the whole thing, your version makes a lot more sense. Changed.

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Ixrec

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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #24 on: July 28, 2009, 01:43:38 am »
Due to computer trouble, this set of edit commits got eaten by data vampires (see TV tropes if you're unfamiliar with that term). Fortunately, very little got changed, so just ask me later in irc if one of the changes bothers you.
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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #25 on: July 29, 2009, 07:34:14 pm »
I've never seen such high speed steroids.
//Steroids? weird, did you mean hormones?

Considering all the negative connotations steroids have in English, that's probably a very good idea. I'll go change that.

But I won't let go.
//Makes more sense unless it was referring to her hand which didn't let go of the knife. I wasn't sure since this could evenly go both ways. I changed it though because this was the first impression I got from reading the line.-Spin

Ah, good point. I went and double checked the Japanese and my first instinct was right, it's almost certainly referring to Kiri. So I used "she" this time instead of "it" referring to her wrist (in retrospect that was a pretty dumb way to do it).

Taichi: "The culprit is Miki."
//Oho, I was right~ - Sheeta
//No, you weren't. Even though she'll never read this, I'll still trolling her.-Spin

No comment.

Taichi: "......it was you."
//No way she could have a scope on there like that. It's blocking the locking mechanism for the string.-Spin

Even less comment.

I pulled the arrow out of my body.
//It was stuck in his thigh.-Spin

It was in Kiri's chest also. Changed to "our bodies".

Miki: "Aaah, there, there. Here, have some menstrual medicine."
//No idea what that means. Wiki turned up zilch. ~IX
//Medicine for period pains :P - Sheeta
//Even I knew that one. But then again, I do have extensive knowledge in stuff like this. ;)-Spin

Subzero comment.

Miki: "When next week comes, everyone will be revived again."
//OK, I am DEFINITELY missing something here. I don't know how she found out or how Misato, Kiri, and Tomoki died.-Spin
//Oh, did some snooping around and found out I missed a script. I'll come back to this after that then.-Spin
//And that's why I didn't understand wtf was going on. I should get a reward for leaving three seperate comments. -Future Spin

lol^10

Treating yourself as precious is a path that becomes harder with time, as...
//Couldn't think of anything else. It just felt weird again with two "buts."-Spin

Changed to "since..."

I'm apolitical; without any particular opinions.
//Not too sure about that since I suck with semicolons but that second line there is practically the same as just the "apolitical" thing.-Spin

Yep, incorrect semicolon usage. Reverted.

Taichi: 『What happened? Did you get interviewed again?』
//I wonder how many of you still remember why Sakuraba got interviewed. ~IX
//I do! - Sheeta

Yays.

Taichi: "Don't you want to make me dance in the palm of your hand, you squid-bellied girl?"
//I'm not honestly sure what he means by this. I could guess some idiomatic meanings but none are listed in any of my dictionaries. ~IX
//I'm pretty sure it means 'do exactly what you want me too', so Taichi's implying that Youko wants him to do only what she wants - Sheeta

Gah! I did it again! Yes I know what dancing in the palm of one's hand means, I was asking about "squid-bellied girl."

Taichi: "Is chili juice delicious?"
vs
Taichi: "Is chilli juice delicious?"

I'm pretty sure "chili" has only one "l". Reverted. *edit* wiki says "chilli" is an acceptable spelling, but makes it pretty clear "chili" is more common.

Youko: "......I know"
vs
Youko: "......I know."

Damn. All VDZ could find was one missing period. Go editors.
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Raide

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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #26 on: July 30, 2009, 04:09:51 am »

in-game appearance; check if it's right or no.

How do you encounter script CCD0002 and CCD0005b in-game, btw?

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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #27 on: July 30, 2009, 05:16:11 am »
The NANACA line looks weird because I don't have the stuff done for a Japanese tilde. The blank line with just a dot is there because that's a Japanese space.

I'll get to this later.

Ixrec

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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #28 on: July 30, 2009, 05:58:57 pm »
The point was that we wanted to make a 『promise』.
//how about oath or vow? - Raide

There are other words I already tl that way.

Taichi: "Wa! Sorry! My bad! I didn't know the Sonny Bono Law was constitutional!"
//Since this is a US law extending copyright terms, is there a point in tl noting it? ~IX
//Yes, because not all of us are American - Sheeta

Not that that was the issue (I'd never heard of it either) but sure, I'll add it.

It's world'.
IF $tlnote != 0 (TL note: Since it's not as clear in English, the apostrophe here is the mathematical symbol pronounced "prime" used to label geometrical shapes that have undergone some sort of transformation.)
//Anyone have a better idea for adaptation, I'm all ears. ~IX
//We could write it as world' (prime)? - Sheeta

Doesn't really feel like an improvement. Left as is for now.
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Re: Edit Commit Comments
« Reply #29 on: August 02, 2009, 01:11:22 am »
Taichi: 『Aaah, is that so? Thankies. Though I'm not happy about it.』
//"Thankies?" Seriously?-Spin
and
Nanaka: "Thankies."
//Again huh. I can understand this one though since she says it differently with the voice.-Spin

Well, I didn't have any better ideas. Still don't. Suggestions welcome ofc.

While eating I thought.
vs
I began to think as I ate.

I don't know why, but this change cracks me up. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

My nipple was getting itchy, but I bore with it.
vs
My nipple was getting itchy, but I bared it.

Checked the dictionary just in case, but that's wrong. Reverted.

I drew near her.
vs
I draw near her.

Intentional narrative past tense. Reverted.

I sat down at the front gate. It darkened as I did, so that time was only one step away from becoming evening.
//SOS
//My attempt - Sheeta

That's actually really good. Thanks.

Mysteriously, I had no resistance to that idea.
vs
Mysteriously, I had no objections to that idea.
//Using "resistance" in that context, I've never seen. "Objections" isn't quite right either but the only way I could fix it is by changing the meaning of the sentence a little more than it needs, so I just left it.-Spin

Since there is no way to make this sound natural, and I feel "objection" deviates from the intended meaning (you can feel resistance to an idea without having a concrete reason to object), reverted.

I'm only receiving. I'm not being giving anything.
vs
I'm only receiving. I'm not giving anything.

My fail, I meant "being given." Fixed.

Taichi: "Because I love you, Mimi-sempai."
//Time for that Beach sex scene.-Spin

I must ask, how did you know about that?

Isn't there this decision as well?
//Uhm, I would offer to fix this line but I don't understand it at all.-Spin

I would assume it refers to the decision immediately following that line.

That's good spirit.
vs
That's good commitment.
//The only way I saw this line making sense was with commitment since having "good spirit" in a stare is a weird way of putting it.-Spin

"Commitment" makes absolutely no sense to me, while "spirit" makes perfect sense to me. Unless someone else agrees with you, reverted.

Taichi: "......I really can't die that well."
//"Die that well?" I don't really understand what's being said here.-Spin

Total fail on my part. Line rewritten entirely.
My ratings and reviews of all the VNs I've ever read:
http://amaterasu.tindabox.net/blog/?page_id=1481
Enjoy disagreeing with me.